Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,804

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Seen just now on Instagram:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Just landed via Instagram:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Shared recently on WeChat:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Just landed via X:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Funny Heimlich quotes

New funny Heimlich quotes 👇

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

0

2 months ago

choking, Heimlich, humor, impossible, joke, maneuver, pronunciation, thing, wordplay

All funny Heimlich quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Discord this month:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

76 shares on Slack this month:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Just landed via Messenger:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Seen just now on Threads:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Funny Heimlich quotes

New funny Heimlich quotes 👇

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

All funny Heimlich quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨