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3 days ago
Share →: This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

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Guess I better start my good deed training program ASAP, because my air conditioner just surrendered 🥵😇

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Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

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Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

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Feeling like a bug without his rug.

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You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

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Freshly posted on Slack:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Just shared via Facebook:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Trending via Messenger:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Just landed via Discord:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Seen just now on Threads:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Making waves on Twitch:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Making waves on Discord:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

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Funny hot temperature quotes

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

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Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

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