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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Going viral on Messenger:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Trending via Threads:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Making waves on Discord:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Just shared via Twitch:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on TikTok this month:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Making waves on YouTube:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

Seen just now on Slack:

Websites need to realize that no one ever, ever wants the site to be able to send them notifications.

Shared recently on Slack:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Going viral on Reddit:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Just shared via WeChat:

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Just landed via Facebook:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Making waves on Discord:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Going viral on YouTube:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

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