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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,462

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Just landed via Facebook:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Making waves on Telegram:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Just shared via Reddit:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Funny jewels quotes

New funny jewels quotes 👇

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

0

2 months ago

adventure, everyone, Gollum, hermit, hiss, hissing, idea, jewels, lakes, lifestyle, naked, occasionally, people, places, pools, right, solitude, swim, swimming, try

Someone from 🇮🇩 has recently shared this quote.

38 shares on Reddit this month.

All funny jewels quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Facebook this month:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

77 shares on Slack this month:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

28 shares on Telegram this month:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Just landed via Reddit:

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Breaking via Snapchat:

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Just landed via Pinterest:

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Just shared via Facebook:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Trending via Threads:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Just landed via Discord:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny jewels quotes

New funny jewels quotes 👇

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

All funny jewels quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨