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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,473

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Live now on Pinterest:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Just landed via Pinterest:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Making waves on Twitch:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Spotted on Facebook:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Going bananas on Discord:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

Funny locked door quotes

New funny locked door quotes 👇

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

3 weeks ago

documentary, door, doors, going, humor, lock, locked, locked door, mystery, night, oh, old, old person, person, small, small town, start, storytelling, town

All funny locked door quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

How do I un-know people?

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

70 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Spotted on Twitch:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Breaking via WeChat:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Making waves on Slack:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Making waves on Twitch:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Making waves on Slack:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Going viral on Discord:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny locked door quotes

New funny locked door quotes 👇

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

All funny locked door quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨