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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Seen just now on Instagram:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Trending via Pinterest:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Going viral on Twitch:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Spotted on Reddit:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

Breaking via Discord:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

11 Funny millennial quotes

More funny millennial quotes 👇

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

3 months ago

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97 shares on Twitch this month:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Breaking via TikTok:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Going viral on X:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Trending via Snapchat:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Just landed via Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

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11 Funny millennial quotes

More funny millennial quotes 👇

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

All funny millennial quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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