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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

819 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,981

Funny Quotes Topics

13,924

Funny Quotes Images

10,981

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Going viral on X:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

Spotted on Slack:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Shared recently on X:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Trending via WeChat:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Going viral on Discord:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

819 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,981

Funny Quotes Topics

13,924

Funny Quotes Images

10,981

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Trending via Reddit:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Making waves on Twitch:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Spotted on X:

Having a low quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Going viral on X:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Reported on Instagram:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Just landed via Twitch:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Going viral on Threads:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

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