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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Going viral on WeChat:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Shared recently on Slack:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Just landed via Messenger:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Live now on Facebook:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Reported on Facebook:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Shared recently on Slack:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Trending via Facebook:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Going viral on Instagram:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Breaking via Twitch:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

Trending via Instagram:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Trending via Telegram:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Trending via Pinterest:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

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