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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2247 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,409

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,409

Updated

7 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Seen just now on Twitch:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Making waves on Messenger:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Home » Funny Personal Belongings Quotes

Funny personal belongings quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2247 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,409

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,409

Updated

7 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Spotted on Slack:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Shared recently on Discord:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Just landed via Discord:

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

Just shared via Instagram:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Just landed via X:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

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