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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

50 shades of single.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

Updated

14 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Breaking via WeChat:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Reported on WeChat:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Seen just now on Discord:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

Just landed via Reddit:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Reported on Twitch:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Going viral on Twitch:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

Updated

14 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Trending via Telegram:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Making waves on Discord:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Shared recently on X:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Shared recently on X:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

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