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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Just shared via TikTok:

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Going bananas on X:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Going viral on Instagram:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Seen just now on Discord:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Just landed via Reddit:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Making waves on Threads:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Spotted on Slack:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Funny small amount quotes

New funny small amount quotes 👇

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

2 weeks ago

amount, better, humor, i, lot, me, plutonium, sarcasm, small, small amount, think, treat

All funny small amount quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am thick and tired.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

76 shares on Discord this month:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Trending via TikTok:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Shared recently on X:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Live now on LinkedIn:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Trending via Telegram:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Just landed via YouTube:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Seen just now on Threads:

Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.

Spotted on Slack:

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

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Funny small amount quotes

New funny small amount quotes 👇

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

All funny small amount quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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