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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Going viral on TikTok:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Going bananas on Facebook:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Just landed via Reddit:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Making waves on Instagram:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Going viral on Instagram:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

62 Funny spend quotes

More funny spend quotes 👇

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

3 months ago

asleep, calculations, fall, fall asleep, humor, insomnia, math, night, rest, right, skills, sleep, spend
Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

3 months ago

car, dark, dark humor, ever, hit, hospital, humor, injury, month, mood, sarcasm, spend

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All funny spend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on YouTube this month:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I run a parody bank account.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Spreading quickly via X:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Just shared via Slack:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Making waves on Twitch:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Trending via Twitch:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Going viral on TikTok:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

62 Funny spend quotes

More funny spend quotes 👇

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

All funny spend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨