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procrastination

self-deprecation

Funny quotes spooky story

Funny spooky story quotes

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

3 months ago

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If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren. - 55 shares on Messenger this week.
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If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead. - 68 shares on YouTube this week.
I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me. - 51 shares on WeChat this week.
If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future. - 79 shares on Messenger this week.

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8,668 funny quotes and pics

11,816 funny quotes topics

Updated: 9 hours ago

Trending Funny Quotes 🔥

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it. - 15 folks are currently viewing this quote.
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If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone. - 2 folks are currently viewing this quote.
I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t. - 17 folks are currently viewing this quote.
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activity communication day food fun humor i irony joke just know life love me need never parenting people procrastination relationship sarcasm self-deprecation sleep social someone technology think time want work

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