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21 hours ago
Share →: Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Commentary:
Who needs a notification ping when you can have the doorbell symphony and a flower delivery 💐🚪😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Just shared via WeChat:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Going viral on Threads:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Reported on YouTube:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Seen just now on Discord:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

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Funny surprise visit quotes

New funny surprise visit quotes 👇

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

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