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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Seen just now on Telegram:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Going viral on TikTok:

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

Spotted on TikTok:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Trending via YouTube:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Trending via Reddit:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Just shared via Reddit:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Just shared via TikTok:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Funny today’s news quotes

New funny today’s news quotes 👇

All funny today’s news quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Reddit this month:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

34 shares on Threads this month:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

13 shares on Slack this month:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,755

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Spotted on Messenger:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Seen just now on Telegram:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Trending via Messenger:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Going viral on Discord:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Breaking via Threads:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Spotted on Facebook:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Just shared via X:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

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