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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,607

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Trending via YouTube:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Shared recently on TikTok:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Making waves on WeChat:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Trending via Instagram:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Live now on Threads:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Going viral on Reddit:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Making waves on Instagram:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Funny UK quotes

Funny UK quotes bring a cheeky twist to everyday life 🇬🇧😂 From witty banter to clever wordplay, these gems capture the British sense of humor perfectly ☕️🎩 Whether you’re a fan of dry sarcasm or playful jabs, get ready to chuckle and share some laughs with these iconic snippets of UK wit! 🎉🤣

New funny UK quotes 👇

All funny UK quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

32 shares on Slack this month:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to call in sad to work.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,622

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

The homie who’s ultimately just a pawn in your grand scheme.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Trending via Slack:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Live now on Threads:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Going viral on Threads:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Just shared via Facebook:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Just landed via Twitch:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

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