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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,630

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Spotted on Twitch:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a retard.

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3 weeks ago

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40 shares on X this month:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

65 shares on Threads this month:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

49 shares on WeChat this month:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Just landed via Twitch:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Spotted on Slack:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Just landed via X:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Trending via TikTok:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Making waves on Twitch:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

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Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

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