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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2385 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,547

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,547

Updated

28 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Shared recently on Threads:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Live now on TikTok:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Live now on Instagram:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Trending via Twitch:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Just landed via X:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Live now on X:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2385 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,547

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,547

Updated

28 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Trending via Threads:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Live now on Twitch:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Live now on Snapchat:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Just landed via Instagram:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Seen just now on Slack:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Seen just now on Slack:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

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