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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,733

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Just landed via Twitch:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Making waves on WeChat:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Going viral on Slack:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Just shared via Instagram:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You are the Monday of my life.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

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“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like Gen Z is swiping left on procreation! 🚫📱👶

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on TikTok this month:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

80 shares on X this month:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

79 shares on X this month:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,070

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Spotted on Threads:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Going bananas on Slack:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Just landed via Pinterest:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Shared recently on Slack:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

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