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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Making waves on Telegram:

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Just shared via Slack:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Just shared via WeChat:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Trending via Messenger:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Trending via Twitch:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Spotted on Slack:

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting Gen Z's changing sex habits with playful humor.

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Commentary:
Sounds like Gen Z is swiping left on procreation! 🚫📱👶

always, commentary, gen, Gen Z, generation, having, humor, less, people, sex, social, social commentary, stereotype, z

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65 shares on Slack this month:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

71 shares on Discord this month:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Making waves on Reddit:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Seen just now on Reddit:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Making waves on Reddit:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Trending via Slack:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Lingerie under a trench coat is still on my bucket list, by the way.

Just landed via Instagram:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

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Activity Log ✨

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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