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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Going bananas on Slack:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Trending via Facebook:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Trending via Slack:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When someone else washes your hair, it's like winning the spa lottery! 🎉🛁✨

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

0

2 months ago

cheat, dad, date, dump, humor, irony, man, relationship, son, step, step son
Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

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2 months ago

activity, am, carrying, fall, humor, i, over, person, second, shopping, time, walk
At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

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2 months ago

back, day, filter, holding, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate thought, least, mental, mental filter, self-control, spent, struggle, thought, thoughts
No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, family, humor, know, lie, parent, promise, sarcasm, seeing, well
The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

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2 months ago

bed, comfort, cozy, elite, leisure, nature, nature sounds, outside, rain, relaxation, self-care, sound, sounds
People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

0

2 months ago

drain, energy, humor, i, interaction, love, people, personality, sarcasm, social, social interaction, vibe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

43 shares on X this month:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

47 shares on Slack this month:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

86 shares on Slack this month:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Just landed via Facebook:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Just shared via YouTube:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Breaking via TikTok:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Making waves on YouTube:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Making waves on X:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Live now on WeChat:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨