Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.
  • A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.
  • The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.
  • I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.
  • You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.
  • The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.