Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,625

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Shared recently on Discord:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Just shared via Telegram:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Freshly posted on Slack:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Survived another day without upgrading my emotions to a criminal record—progress! 🚓😂🎉

another, control, daily, daily struggle, day, emotional, emotional control, feelings, felony, here, horn, humor, i, own, self-praise, struggle, through, turning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

0

2 months ago

aluminum, aluminum foil, bet, cooking, feels, foil, food, funny observation, good, humor, i, observation, oiling, potato, preparation, wrapping
For whom the Fetty Waps.

0

3 weeks ago

fetty, Fetty Wap, humor, music, pun, rapper, wap, wordplay
I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

0

2 months ago

dating, flirt, humor, i, insult, interaction, sarcasm, skills, social, social skills, wit
Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

0

2 months ago

asked, everything, girl, humor, humor quote, iconic, interaction, joke, just, lighthearted, name, name spelling, playful, said, sarcasm, social, social interaction, spelling, spells, witty
I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

0

2 months ago

am, comedy, dessert, diet, food, food joke, humor, i, italian, Italian food, joke, just, leaving, pasta, pizza, speak, where, wordplay
The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

0

2 months ago

30s, age, boring, hottest, hottest thing, humor, man, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

42 shares on X this month:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

30 shares on Threads this month:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Just shared via Discord:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Just landed via Pinterest:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Live now on Reddit:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Freshly posted on Threads:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Spotted on Messenger:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Just landed via X:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

For whom the Fetty Waps.

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨