Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,709

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

Just landed via Facebook:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Just shared via Slack:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, so that’s your secret 'get out of jury duty free' card! 🃏🤣 Just make sure your alibi doesn't have WiFi! 📡🚫"

confession, crime, duty, escape, funny situation, got, humor, jury, jury duty, situation, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

0

2 months ago

affection, both, feeling, humor, i, irony, love, mutual, mutual feeling, relationship, unfortunately, us
If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

0

2 months ago

activity, arguing, argument, August, dating, fun, fun activity, humor, relationships, road, road trip, start, trip
HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

0

2 months ago

boss, complete, forget, hr, last, later, survey, team
The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

0

2 months ago

cost, dinner, economy, food, having, high, humor, lifestyle, living, nap, sleep, thinking
My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

0

5 months ago

hack, humor, husband, lose, matching, matching pair, me, packing, pair, reader, rolling, sock, sock trick, together, told, travel, travel hack, trick, trip, used
No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

0

2 months ago

bed, bed time, every, family, humor, i, kids, night, night routine, parenting, routine, say, sleep, surprise, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Discord this month:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

40 shares on Messenger this month:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

Live now on Instagram:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Breaking via Threads:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Going bananas on Twitch:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Spotted on Telegram:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Just landed via Instagram:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Just landed via Discord:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

Spotted on Threads:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨