Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

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I embarrass myself in front of myself.

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One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

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My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

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I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

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If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

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They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

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I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

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Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

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I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

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That awkward moment between birth and death.