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Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

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The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

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Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

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764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

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Freshly posted on Pinterest:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Trending via Slack:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Spotted on Instagram:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Trending via Facebook:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Spotted on WeChat:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Live now on YouTube:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Just shared via Slack:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Trending via Slack:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

3 days ago

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When grammar goes rogue, you're just one apostrophe away from an existential crisis! 💩📚😅

difference, education, grammar, humor, joke, knowing, language, shit, wordplay, writing

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Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Shared recently on Threads:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Going viral on Facebook:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Going viral on Threads:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Spotted on Snapchat:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Reported on X:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Going viral on Twitch:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Making waves on Threads:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

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Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

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The void screams into me.

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

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Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

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Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

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