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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Making waves on X:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Just landed via YouTube:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Breaking via Slack:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Just shared via YouTube:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Just landed via Threads:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Making waves on Telegram:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

2 months ago

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When grammar goes rogue, you're just one apostrophe away from an existential crisis! 💩📚😅

difference, education, grammar, humor, joke, knowing, language, shit, wordplay, writing

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32 shares on Slack this month:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

16 shares on TikTok this month:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Just landed via Messenger:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Trending via WeChat:

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Just shared via Discord:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Going viral on X:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Just shared via Instagram:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

Going viral on Messenger:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨