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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,702

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Trending via TikTok:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Trending via Snapchat:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Spotted on YouTube:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

Going viral on Instagram:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Seen just now on TikTok:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Funny quote about lingering creepiness after Halloween festivities.
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Commentary:
Looks like Halloween never really ends for some people 🎃👻 They've got that spooky spirit all year round! Embrace the creepiness or grab some garlic and holy water – your choice! 🧛‍♂️😂

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

73 shares on Slack this month:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope my email finds you enraged.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,379

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

Seen just now on Instagram:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sometimes life is “Eat, pray, love,” and sometimes it’s “Scroll, snack, overthink.”

Just shared via YouTube:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Going viral on Messenger:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Live now on Reddit:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Making waves on YouTube:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

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