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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,323

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

Shared recently on Facebook:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Spreading quickly via X:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Going viral on Threads:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Just shared via Discord:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Just shared via X:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Trying to harness the power of procrastination… they're saying it might be the next renewable energy source! 😅🔋📅

anyone, effort, else, hard, humor, motivation, noticed, observation, procrastination, reluctance, task, things, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

0

2 months ago

avoid, event, high, high school, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, reluctance, reunion, school, social, social event, time, want
A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

0

5 months ago

fun, good, humor, little, mischievousness, personality, playful, soul
Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

0

2 months ago

confidence, daily, daily life, dog, enthusiasm, every, excited, excitement, happen, hell, humor, i, life, man, masculinity, moment, motivation, pet, real, shit, stand, time
Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

0

2 months ago

better, everything, experience, humor, i, me, memory, nostalgia, past, perspective, tell, truth
Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

0

2 months ago

bradshaw, carrie, Carrie Bradshaw, crush, culture, dating, feel, feelings, having, humor, love, most, pop, pop culture, real, relationship
Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

0

2 months ago

boredom, boring, dating, door, gesture, just, romantic, romantic gesture, rose, roses, show, surprise, surprise visit, texting, visit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Messenger this month:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

27 shares on Threads this month:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

34 shares on Reddit this month:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

58 shares on X this month:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Just shared via Twitch:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

Seen just now on Discord:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

Spotted on X:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨