Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

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Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

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Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

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Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

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Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

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Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

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Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

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In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.