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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Making waves on Reddit:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Trending via Facebook:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Trending via Telegram:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Breaking via Snapchat:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Broadcasted on X:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Spotted on Instagram:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

2 months ago

0

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying Pilates for the first time and realizing women have been secretly training to become rubber bands 🧘‍♀️😂

dip, doing, exercise, funny observation, humor, let, me, observation, Pilates, real, tell, toe, toe dip, woman, women, workout

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

0

2 months ago

equivalent, forget, forgetting, home, humor, leaving, medieval, modern, phone, sword, technology, times
I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

0

2 months ago

back, bro, chef, cooking, food, frustration, hate, humor, i, kitchen, later, meal, pan, recipe, something, staying, take, tell
I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

0

3 months ago

aging, appearance, big, cosmetic, directions, face, filler, getting, humor, i, joke, just, looking, love, okay, people, start, younger
Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

0

2 months ago

basketball, comparison, egg, golf, hit, humor, i, k, need, playful, playful comparison, pumpkin, sports, sun
There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

0

2 months ago

add, book, book lover, book pile, books, excitement, humor, humor about reading, i, lover, nothing, pile, procrastination, read, reading, still
So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

0

2 months ago

actual, call, channel, checker, create, fact, fact checker, facts, give, humor, information, just, know, media, news, sarcasm, truth, TV, TV channel, us, where, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

46 shares on X this month:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

To think that billions in venture capital have been deployed because it was annoying to copy and paste from ChatGPT.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I need a break from me.

Trending via Threads:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Spotted on Discord:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Just shared via Slack:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Broadcasted on Slack:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Shared recently on Messenger:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

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