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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,637

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Live now on TikTok:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Making waves on Reddit:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Seen just now on Threads:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Just landed via Twitch:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Spotted on Slack:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your brain reaches Zen mode because it's too busy screaming internally 😅🧘‍♂️🔥"

calm, ever, humor, irony, mental, mental state, paradox, state, stress

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

0

3 months ago

arts, belt, black, black belt, fight, humor, martial, martial arts, Monday, motivation, psychological, psychological warfare, stress, warfare, workweek
I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

0

2 months ago

blue, fashion, flashing, foot, footwear, funny idea, humor, i, idea, police, safety, should, sneakers, think, wear
I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, always, humor, i, irony, knife, me, preparedness, run, someone, spoon
So many people to disappoint, so little time.

0

2 months ago

disappointment, expectations, humor, irony, life, little, people, sarcasm, time
In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, bodily, bodily function, call, elevator, everyone, function, humor, i, mating, moment, noise, silence, silent, stomach, whale
I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

0

2 months ago

alarm, always, good, humor, i, intentions, me, motivation, procrastination, real, self-awareness, set

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Discord this month:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

14 shares on Threads this month:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

58 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Going viral on Twitch:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Spotted on WeChat:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

Going viral on Discord:

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨