Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Going bananas on X:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Shared recently on X:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Spotted on Telegram:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Spotted on YouTube:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Seen just now on Threads:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Is this art or trash?

Spreading quickly via X:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Trending via Discord:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Breaking via TikTok:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

2 months ago

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Haha, true! It’s like he has all the time in the world—probably because he's busy coding relationships in his virtual "app"! 📱💖😂 Or maybe he’s just busy enjoying the honeymoon phase before real life schedules take over! ⏰😉

busy, communication, dating, guy, never, new, noticed, relationship, romance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

2 months ago

catch, existence, humor, illusion, joke, me, notice, public, real, self-awareness
I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

2 months ago

annoyance, anxiety, awkwardness, bonfire, constant, douchebag, fear, going, guitar, humor, i, live, outdoor, party, show, social, social anxiety
Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

2 months ago

bot, communication, days, good, humor, memory, message, messaging, nostalgia, old, person, remember, technology, wonder
Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

2 months ago

entertainment, forget, humor, interests, Pornhub, preferences, seeing, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, streaming, wrapped
Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

2 months ago

backstory, counting, emotional, emotional investment, emotionally, humor, i, invested, investment, need, sheep, sleep, therapy, think, tried
I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

2 months ago

art, hang, humor, lie, painting, relationship, sex, straight, tell

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

54 shares on Slack this month:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,308

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Making waves on WeChat:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Going viral on Instagram:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Live now on Threads:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Going viral on Twitch:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Going viral on X:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Spotted on Slack:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Spotted on TikTok:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Trending via Reddit:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

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