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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,311

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m running out of people I like.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Just landed via X:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Just shared via Telegram:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Live now on Threads:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Spotted on Discord:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Going viral on Facebook:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).

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Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).
Download image ↓

Commentary:
When "hey" translates to ice cream language 😋🍦

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Slack this month:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

87 shares on X this month:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

26 shares on YouTube this month:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

17 shares on Threads this month:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I woke up alive again.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,575

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Making waves on X:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Spotted on Threads:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Just shared via Facebook:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Going viral on YouTube:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

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