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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,502

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Trending via Snapchat:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Making waves on Facebook:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Spotted on YouTube:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Breaking via Telegram:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful text about sharing fries with a humorous, lighthearted vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your "Hey" really means "fry-napping in progress" 🍟😂

food, fry, humor, intention, joke, making, sharing

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on X this month:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

66 shares on Discord this month:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

49 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

It’s so unrealistic for me to delete WhatsApp, but man, I’d love to do it.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

Live now on Discord:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Just shared via Twitch:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Just shared via Telegram:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Just landed via X:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

Making waves on Threads:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

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Activity Log ✨

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Keep the laugh going 😂

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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