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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a retard.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Going viral on TikTok:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Just landed via Facebook:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Spotted on Instagram:

I just wanna buy $16 worth of a meme coin and sell it for $2.6M two weeks later.

Breaking via Facebook:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Shared recently on Threads:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the terror of trying to enjoy a peaceful skinny-dip only to have creepy horror movie scenes flash before your eyes! 🙈👻 Who knew that innocent midnight swims would forever be haunted by thoughts of lurking monsters and unexpected scares? 🏊‍♂️🎬 It's a horror fan's dilemma – to fear the water or the terror on land! 😂 #SkinnyDippingGoneWrong

activity, comedy, experience, fear, fun, fun activity, horror, horror movie, joy, me, movie, personal, personal experience, skinny-dip, swimming

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Facebook this month:

The future is buffering.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

I only accept apologies in cash.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,478

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

Trending via Reddit:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Seen just now on YouTube:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Live now on Slack:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Making waves on Twitch:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Making waves on Instagram:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Just landed via WeChat:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

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