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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Going bananas on Pinterest:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Spotted on Facebook:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Just landed via Telegram:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Trending via Reddit:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Just shared via WeChat:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Going bananas on X:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Lifting weights? I'm just trying to lift my spirits after attempting a ponytail! 💪😂

arm, arms, exercise, fitness, hair, humor, just, lift, people, ponytail, putting, strength, struggle, tired, weightlifting, weights

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

0

2 months ago

frustration, humor, impatience, irony, me, outside, people, personal, personal space, same, solitude, space, time, timing, turn, why
I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

0

2 months ago

cause, delete, getting, growth, hours, humor, i, mature, media, over, posts, reflection, social, social media
Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, daily, daily struggle, day, doom-scroller, enough, frustration, here, humor, internet, relaxation, rest, sarcasm, seen, struggle, tired
Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

0

2 months ago

anyone, humor, Monday, outside, procrastination, reminder, upset, waiting, weekend, workweek
If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

0

2 months ago

best, Christmas, day, holiday, humor, job, judging, leisure, one day, people, rest, Santa, think, time, work, works, year
Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

0

2 months ago

activity, conversation, conversation starter, crossroads, dark, Dark Lord, every, funny activity, hug, humor, interesting, intrigue, lord, starter, surprise, whisper

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Facebook this month:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

54 shares on Telegram this month:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

35 shares on Threads this month:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Just shared via Slack:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Spreading quickly via X:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Seen just now on X:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Going bananas on TikTok:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Freshly posted on X:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Just landed via Twitch:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Making waves on Reddit:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨