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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Lifting weights? I'm just trying to lift my spirits after attempting a ponytail! 💪😂

arm, arms, exercise, fitness, hair, humor, just, lift, people, ponytail, putting, strength, struggle, tired, weightlifting, weights

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

0

2 months ago

adventure, Africa, humor, i, last, me, missionary, relationship, remote, remote village, time, travel, try, village, wanted
If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

0

2 months ago

bit, clean, head, humor, kill, mind, much, spend, thoughts, tidy, time
In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

0

2 months ago

debate, effort, humor, internet, pointlessness, proof, real, reality, snow
The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

0

2 months ago

am, child, decoration, ears, humor, i, parent, parenting, parenting struggles, struggles, toddler
I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

0

2 months ago

cooky, diet, diet pill, eat, eating, food, help, humor, i, loss, nervous, pill, push, push down, stick, struggle, throat, weight, weight loss
I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

0

2 months ago

awards, bad, confusion, fact, forgetfulness, having, humor, i, irony, know, memory, recognition, self-deprecation, win

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

77 shares on X this month:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

60 shares on Slack this month:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I only drink when I people.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Making waves on Twitch:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Trending via Messenger:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Breaking via Discord:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Trending via Messenger:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨