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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,274

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Making waves on YouTube:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Just landed via Slack:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Broadcasted on Threads:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Just landed via X:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

Just landed via TikTok:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Making waves on Pinterest:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

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Commentary:
Looks like someone's having a 'screwdriver' kind of morning! 🍊🍸 Better double-check those bottles next time or you might end up with a 'citrus cocktail' for breakfast! 😉🍹

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on WeChat this month:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

17 shares on X this month:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

73 shares on X this month:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

34 shares on Slack this month:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,735

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Trending via WeChat:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Spotted on Instagram:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

Making waves on Facebook:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Trending via Discord:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Trending via YouTube:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Just landed via Pinterest:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Going viral on TikTok:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

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