Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,655

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Just landed via Threads:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Freshly posted on X:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Spotted on Twitch:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Trending via Threads:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

2 months ago

0

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Size may matter, but it's the size of your heart that truly counts! ❤️ And hey, a big heart can spread lots of love and joy, no matter how big or small it may be! 🌟 #BigHeartBigLove

am, heart, humor, i, love, matters, perspective, relationship, size

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

0

2 months ago

avoidance, comedy, disinterest, ever, humor, math, me, moved, please, reluctance, speak, wordplay
My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

0

3 days ago

after, blue, bonnie, Bonnie Blue, comparison, here, humor, laundry, load, machine, over, taking, washing, washing machine
My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

0

2 months ago

ability, buying, expenses, extravagant, getting, grocery, housing, humor, irony, lifestyle, money, paying, save, save money
One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

0

2 months ago

building, day, fun, next, pretty, saying, things, young
There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

0

2 months ago

effect, humor, i, joke, men, migraine, relationship, self-deprecation
I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

0

2 months ago

coping, coping mechanism, critique, humor, i, irony, love, mechanism, okay, self-awareness, someone, trauma

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

82 shares on Slack this month:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,275

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

The only Spanish I know is buenas noches, which means bonus nachos – like finding forgotten tortilla chips in your cargo shorts.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Live now on Reddit:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Trending via Pinterest:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Trending via Facebook:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Spotted on Threads:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

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