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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2460 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,622

Funny Quotes Topics

15,295

Funny Quotes Images

12,622

3 minutes ago

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Instagram:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

Trending via Threads:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Going viral on Telegram:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Spotted on Discord:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

Making waves on YouTube:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Making waves on Telegram:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Jan 26, 2025

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

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Commentary:
"Being flexible is definitely my strong suit, just as long as everything goes exactly as I envisioned it in my mind palace with absolutely zero deviations… 😅🤷‍♂️ Who needs spontaneity when you've got a perfectly crafted blueprint, am I right?"

along, am, day, easy, exactly, expectations, fun, fun person, humor, i, imagination, interruption, layout, person, planned, planning, variation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2460 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,622

Funny Quotes Topics

15,295

Funny Quotes Images

12,622

3 minutes ago

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Shared recently on Discord:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Reported on Slack:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Seen just now on X:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Breaking via Telegram:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Reported on Instagram:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Shared recently on Slack:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

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