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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,533

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Just shared via Instagram:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Making waves on X:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Live now on Pinterest:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Just shared via Reddit:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Trending via Pinterest:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Shared recently on X:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

2 months ago

0

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic troubleshooting method of our generation! 📺🔨 Who needs technical expertise when you've got the magic touch of a well-timed whack? 😂💥 It was a simpler time when TVs were sturdy enough to withstand our DIY repair skills! #ThrowbackTechRepair

blow, fix, generation, humor, i, nostalgia, old, old school, punch, repair, school, single, technology, TV

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

0

2 months ago

being, devices, humor, humor quote, i, independence, left, love, own, solitude, technology
I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

0

2 months ago

career, career choice, choice, comedian, disappointment, humor, i, medical, medical school, meet, parents, person, school, stand-up, stand-up comedian, super
Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

0

2 months ago

beauty, beauty product, caffeine, hair, humor, joke, morning, morning routine, product, routine, shampoo, used, work
Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

0

4 months ago

anything, communication, hear, hearing, humor, i, language, listening, me, mispronunciation, next, think
I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, again, attitude, frustration, humor, i, just, mad, ok, reaction
Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

0

2 months ago

actually, arrogance, donkey, high, high horse, horse, horses, humility, humor, humor quote, sarcasm, satire

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on X this month:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

62 shares on Slack this month:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I have to pee. Story of my life.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,403

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Freshly posted on X:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Shared recently on Slack:

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

Just shared via Telegram:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Just landed via Instagram:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Shared recently on Threads:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Just landed via WeChat:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Just shared via Discord:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Spotted on Slack:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

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