I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

22 shares on Threads this month:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.