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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,715

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Just shared via WeChat:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Going viral on Instagram:

Every time I use a Windows computer, it’s like they built malware into the OS. Like, what do you mean there are ads in the start menu?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Live now on X:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Trending via Messenger:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Going viral on Slack:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Can you blame them? Earth can be quite the sketchy neighborhood! 👽🔒 #SafetyFirst"

alien, aliens, bet, door, Earth, humor, i, joke, lock, past, safety, space

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

83 shares on X this month:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

44 shares on X this month:

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

98 shares on X this month:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

God gives the most irritable bowels to the most beautiful angels.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

This email could’ve been sex.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Going viral on Instagram:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Making waves on Threads:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Just shared via Telegram:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Live now on X:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Going viral on Slack:

I used to really want to be understood. Now I mainly just want things like snacks and juice.

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Activity Log ✨

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨