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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I need a day off from myself.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,585

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Live now on X:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Oh good. Another day.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Just landed via Reddit:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Just shared via TikTok:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

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Commentary:
"Can you blame them? Earth can be quite the sketchy neighborhood! 👽🔒 #SafetyFirst"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Slack this month:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

66 shares on Slack this month:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

72 shares on Instagram this month:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,558

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Just landed via YouTube:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Just landed via Threads:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

Just landed via Threads:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

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