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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

429 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,698

Funny Quotes Topics

17,716

Funny Quotes Images

15,698

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,397

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Just landed via TikTok:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Going viral on Facebook:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Just landed via Discord:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Spotted on Messenger:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Just shared via WeChat:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

1 day ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you’re one lace doily away from a time-traveling séance! 🕯️🕰️✨

blackout, buy, candle, candles, exaggeration, humor, i, preparation, shopping, Victorian

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

2 months ago

40, activity, bag, bean, bean bag chair, bed, bouncy, bouncy house, chair, challenge, escape, escape room, fun, fun activity, good, good luck, hammock, house, humor, luck, over, over 40, playful, playful challenge, room, water, water bed
Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

2 months ago

craving, ever, food, humor, i, italian, love, never, never tired, pasta, something, think, tired
Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

2 months ago

alone, drinking, home, humor, i, introvert, myself, night, socializing, sorry, tonight
People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

3 months ago

advice, control, crazy, drive, humor, keys, life, life advice, people
Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

2 months ago

brag, entertainment, humor, me, movie, sleep, watching
Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

2 months ago

emotion, feelings, humor, i, joke, play, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

25 shares on Discord this month:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

88 shares on Discord this month:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Trending via Snapchat:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Seen just now on Threads:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Making waves on Pinterest:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Just landed via WeChat:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Seen just now on Slack:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨