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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

763 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,925

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,925

37 minutes ago

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Trending via Slack:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Making waves on Twitch:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Making waves on Slack:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Live now on TikTok:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

6 months ago

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

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Commentary:
Well, that's some impressive time traveling involved there! 🏍️🕰️ Talk about beating the clock in a whole new dimension! Just when you thought mornings couldn't get any louder, bam 💥 – the future comes knocking. Watch out for flying DeLoreans!🚗⏱️

believe, disbelief, funny situation, humor, i, loud, morning, motorcycle, neighbor, neighbors, noise, over, running, running over, situation, someone, tomorrow

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

763 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,925

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,925

37 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Spotted on Discord:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Live now on Pinterest:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Making waves on Slack:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

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