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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,621

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Making waves on YouTube:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Trending via YouTube:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Breaking via Facebook:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, why work hard at all? 😄 Looks like today, it's personality for the win! 💁‍♂️ #LetPersonalityShine"

again, confidence, doing, glimpse, guess, humor, i, mirror, morning, myself, personality, self-image, today, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

1 month ago
audience, communication, gender, gender-neutral, humor, neutral, presentation, speech, warning
Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

1 month ago
accidentally, attraction, chemistry, cook, cooking, crush, date, emotional, emotional intelligence, emotionally, hot, humor, intelligence, intelligent, man, manifestation, serendipity, staring
When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

3 months ago
aid, answer, call, calls, communication, company, every, hearing, hearing aid, humor, i, joke, line, misunderstanding, phone, phone call, prank, question, salesman, stay
People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

1 month ago
allowed, customer, customer interaction, customer service, day, employee, employee humor, fight, Fridays, frustration, humor, interaction, management, people, relief, service, should, stress, stress management, stress relief, work, work frustration, workplace
College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

1 month ago
bible, college, escape, even, frustration, here, humor, life, me, once, somebody, student, student life
Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

1 month ago
communication, duct, duct tape, fix, golden, humor, irony, problem-solving, silence, silver, tape

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

Just landed via Telegram:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Going viral on Reddit:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Spotted on Telegram:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

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Activity Log ✨

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

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I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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