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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

My life goal is to make you feel as awkward or awesome as you are making me feel.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,744

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Trending via YouTube:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Trending via Reddit:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

1 month ago

Humorous quote about self-identity and regret with witty, playful words.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When I look in the mirror and see my evil twin running the show 😂🤷‍♂️ #AlternateUniverse 🌌

else, humor, i, ID, identity, irony, personality, regret, self, somebody

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90 shares on Discord this month:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

27 shares on Discord this month:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Going viral on Instagram:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Making waves on Twitch:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Breaking via YouTube:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Freshly posted on Slack:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Going bananas on Discord:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Just landed via Facebook:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

God saw you do that.

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

God saw you do that.

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨