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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Just landed via Snapchat:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Going viral on Messenger:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Shared recently on X:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Spotted on Facebook:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Just shared via Discord:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Seen just now on Slack:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

2 months ago

0

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a girlfriend when you can have an arch-nemesis instead? 😂💔 Watch out, we've got a superhero in the making!"

breakup, enemy, gain, girlfriend, humor, i, lose, loss, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

0

2 months ago

always, downs, drinks, enjoy, fun, humor, i, life, music, party, relax, ups
I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

0

2 months ago

ask, exercise, fitness, frustration, going, gym, humor, i, months, results, sign, sign up, still, weekend
The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

0

2 months ago

charge, days, fat, good, good old days, humor, nostalgia, old, remind, reminder, technology, watch
If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

0

2 months ago

call, humor, joke, me, number, phone, privacy, respect
You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

0

2 months ago

activity, crazy, friendship, fun, hang, hang out, humor, me, train
It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

0

2 months ago

again, beverage, choice, choose, coffee, decision, holiday, humor, morning, mulled, mulled wine, time, wine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

48 shares on Slack this month:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unpopular opinion: I do enjoy third-wheeling if the couple is fun.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Weirdos gonna weird.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Just shared via Threads:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Breaking via Reddit:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Making waves on Twitch:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Broadcasted on Discord:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Just landed via TikTok:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

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