Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.
  • The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.
  • Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.
  • God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”
  • Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.
  • Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.