Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,710

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Spotted on Telegram:

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Spotted on Telegram:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Breaking via Reddit:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Making waves on X:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Trending via Telegram:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why exercise when you can roller-skate to your next flight? 🛼✈️

airport, departure, departure gate, enjoy, gate, humor, i, joke, romance, romantic, romantic walk, travel, walk, walking, walks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

0

2 months ago

activity, chase, chasing, definitely, exercise, humor, joke, laughter, me, playful, run, running, should, something, too
ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

0

2 months ago

AI, ChatGPT, companionship, ever, humor, i, man, me, relationship, support, think, ways
I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

0

2 months ago

always, better, connectivity, desert, digital, humor, i, internet, joke, looking, occasionally, pun, signal, tech, tech humor, technology, wandering, wifi
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

0

2 months ago

aid, alphabet, alphabet song, am, childhood, childhood habit, choice, choices, count, counting, decision, decision making, finger, finger counting, fingers, habit, i, learning, learning method, letter, life, life choice, making, memory, memory aid, method, next, sing, song, still, whole
The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

0

2 months ago

appearance, coincidence, embarrassment, encounter, errand, errands, everyone, guarantee, lesson, life, life lesson, looking, months, only, run, seen, shit, social, social encounter, surprise
The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

0

5 months ago

aging, coffee, humor, i, introversion, love, me, morning, older, routine, solitude, speaking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on X this month:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

15 shares on X this month:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

26 shares on Discord this month:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

34 shares on Discord this month:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I need money, not feelings.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Going viral on Slack:

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Just shared via Instagram:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Just landed via YouTube:

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Trending via Twitch:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Just landed via Twitch:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Seen just now on Discord:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨