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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,741

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Breaking via Twitch:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Seen just now on Slack:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Trending via Reddit:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

Just landed via Slack:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Breaking via Instagram:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

3 months ago

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Why exercise when you can roller-skate to your next flight? 🛼✈️

airport, departure, departure gate, enjoy, gate, humor, i, joke, romance, romantic, romantic walk, travel, walk, walking, walks

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50 shares on Threads this month:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

65 shares on Threads this month:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Breaking via Pinterest:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Seen just now on TikTok:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Trending via YouTube:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

Just landed via Reddit:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Just shared via WeChat:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Going viral on Facebook:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

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Activity Log ✨

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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