I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

78 shares on Discord this month:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

63 shares on Threads this month:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.