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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,630

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Making waves on WeChat:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Going viral on Threads:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Seen just now on Slack:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Breaking via Instagram:

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

Making waves on Reddit:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Just landed via Threads:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Spotted on TikTok:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Spotted on YouTube:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

4 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
Santa's about to learn that Pepsi Max and cookies are the new North Pole gourmet pairing 🍪🥤🎅

beverage, Christmas, cup, forgetfulness, forgot, holiday, humor, i, max, milk, Pepsi, Pepsi Max, Santa

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Drive like no one is watching.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

68 shares on Threads this month:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

57 shares on Threads this month:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Spotted on YouTube:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Going bananas on Reddit:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Trending via Snapchat:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Trending via WeChat:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Just shared via Slack:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

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Activity Log ✨

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨