Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Just landed via Messenger:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Just landed via Messenger:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Just shared via Messenger:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Spotted on Messenger:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"May your love life be booming and your job secure in 2022! 🥂 Here's to a year of passion without pink slips! 🕺💼 #Priorities"

amen, fun, hope, i, job, laid, laid off, relationship, wish, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

0

2 months ago

activity, discomfort, drinking, favorite, fun, hobby, humor, i, making, people, sarcasm, still, swearing, time, uncomfortable
The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

0

2 months ago

appetite, conflict, destruction, disaster, food, humor, irony, me, recipe, relationship
I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, comedy, head, health, humor, i, imagination, mental, mental health, mind, own, podcast, voices
Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

0

2 months ago

ambition, ambitious, daughter, day, delusional, every, family, humor, lottery, needs, struggles, winning
I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad choice, choice, choices, croc, Crocs, footwear, humor, i, life, never, pair
My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, laundry, left, machine, minute, oh, only, parent, said, sarcasm, teen, timer, washing, washing machine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on X this month:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

63 shares on Instagram this month:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

86 shares on Slack this month:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

29 shares on Slack this month:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

70 shares on Threads this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

If you’re having a good day today, don’t play Wordle.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Making waves on Discord:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Freshly posted on Discord:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Making waves on Telegram:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Just shared via Facebook:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Just landed via Facebook:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨