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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,797

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Trending via Threads:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Making waves on Messenger:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Making waves on Telegram:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Going viral on Reddit:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Spotted on Messenger:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Going to start checking under the couch cushions with a metal detector now 😂💰🔍

floor, fortune, hope, humor, i, later, luck, money, optimism, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

1 month ago
butter, complaint, crumb, crumbs, difficult, difficult time, family, humor, keep, leave, me, please, thoughts, time, visiting, visitor
The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

1 month ago
always, approach, finance, government, humor, last, last minute, minute, much, procrastination, shutdown, ta
I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

1 month ago
air, air conditioning, conditioning, episode, episodes, every, heat, hot, humor, i, inconvenience, miss, nostalgia, show, sitcom, summer, TV, TV Show, where
I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

1 month ago
humor, just, obvious, pointing, pointing out, professional, sarcasm, skilled, smart, wit
If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

1 month ago
close, distance, forefinger, friendship, head, humor, i, keep, mime, preference, relationships, squishing, thumb
If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

1 month ago
absolutely, am, anxiety, being, dark, dark humor, day, death, doom, existential, existential humor, health, humor, humor about death, i, last, live, means, mental, mental health, procrastination, sarcasm, self-deprecating, sense

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Just shared via Instagram:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Making waves on Telegram:

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

Breaking via Discord:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Just shared via Messenger:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

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Activity Log ✨

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby Is this guy bothering you?

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

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I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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