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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Just shared via Reddit:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Just landed via Reddit:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Spotted on X:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Breaking via Twitch:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Spotted on WeChat:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Going to start checking under the couch cushions with a metal detector now 😂💰🔍

floor, fortune, hope, humor, i, later, luck, money, optimism, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, being, deny, dumb, embarrassing, front, here, humor, i, intergalactic, planet, travelers
The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

0

2 months ago

body, comparison, dead, dead body, difference, garage, humor, i, joke, Lamborghini, possessions, wealth
Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

0

2 weeks ago

apparently, beautiful, beautiful Latina, dating, dating problem, humor, interview, interviewer, job, job interview, latina, problem, weakness
Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

0

1 month ago

being, broke, hatred, humor, i, just, money, motivation, nothing, passion, pure, work
They should invent a type of situation that improves.

0

2 months ago

humor, improvement, invention, life, optimism, should, situation, type
Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

0

2 months ago

eat, food, food industry, found, ground, health, humor, industry, just, nutrition, organic, processed, processed food, sarcasm, satire, somewhere

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

67 shares on TikTok this month:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

94 shares on X this month:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

27 shares on Threads this month:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Just shared via Messenger:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Going viral on Instagram:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Breaking via Telegram:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Live now on Threads:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨